[91] is hands down the best. The only thing to really say about it is the next to last line needs a question mark. The concept is peaceful, yet relaxing, the imagery is well done. It's a good piece.
[57] is likewise good, although there are points where the imagery doesn't click quite as well. I can't tell you why, which is irritating, but something in the word choice seems...off.
[54] was a good concept, but your imagery and voice isn't really there. Rather than hearing Riku think these thoughts, we're told he thought them. Also, "the boys mind was made up. Turning around, Riku nodded as his mind was finally made up. For good or bad, better or for worse, Riku had made up his mind", is extreamly repetative and it doesn't add anything to the rhythm. Of course, this was also the first of the pieces, so it stands to reason that it's the weakest.
no subject
[57] is likewise good, although there are points where the imagery doesn't click quite as well. I can't tell you why, which is irritating, but something in the word choice seems...off.
[54] was a good concept, but your imagery and voice isn't really there. Rather than hearing Riku think these thoughts, we're told he thought them. Also, "the boys mind was made up. Turning around, Riku nodded as his mind was finally made up. For good or bad, better or for worse, Riku had made up his mind", is extreamly repetative and it doesn't add anything to the rhythm. Of course, this was also the first of the pieces, so it stands to reason that it's the weakest.