[Feedback Post]

[wrong.livejournal.com]

To commemorate the 100th challenge at kh_drabble (as well as all sorts of other things), we'll be having this nifty thing called the Feedback Post. Basically, this is a cumulative feedback post, where people (both signed in and anonymous) can give feedback to any author. Basically, in order to participate in it, all you need to be is an author who has posted in this community before (because it's a feedback post, duh.)

For Those Who Want Feedback
1. Put your username down in the comments.
2. It is up to you, but I think it would be helpful if you put links to your latest drabbles. It is up to you, of course.
3. Do enable comment notification, because anonymous comments will be screened.
4. Do feedback to others too, especially if you like receiving your own feedback!

For Those Who Are Giving Feedback
1. Basically, general comments on their writing style, ideas, creativity? I know all of us here are authors, or at the very least, readers, so we do have an idea of what writing is like and how someone can improve. Even better, tell someone their positive points, because we all need a little ego boost now and then.
2. Slanderous reviews will be deleted. Just because it is anonymous doesn't mean that you can shoot your mouth any way you like. If people take advantage of it then anonymous reviewing will be turned off.

I hope that this would be useful and constructive to the participants of this community, but most of all, really fun as well.

So get to it!

(Oh, and if anyone wants to use this to feedback to the moderators about anything in the community, I suppose this is a good time as any to do so. Thanks.)

Comments

[unsafebet.livejournal.com]

Oh geeze, it's been ages since I've posted here. :/
Here are the four I've written for here:

[009] (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/37835.html)
[010] (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/40319.html)
[013] (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/56350.html)
[018] (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/74043.html)

I really need to finish those 40 drabbles I promised.

[i-got-spunk.livejournal.com]

LOL Well I've seen your OTHER stuff around and it's wonderful <3

[lunarflight.livejournal.com]

9: LOVE that last line. Yeah, Riku's so pale, he'd totally FRY in the sun without a lot of sunscreen. XD The language is rather rough in the beginning of this. You use fragments where they just break up the flow and make things confusing. You could go into more detail about just how the solstice is celebrated on Destiny Island. I do like the idea that the heartless are stronger during the solstice and can touch children's dreams during this time, as well as Riku's link to them. It's a good idea, but needs more detail to really work.

10: I like the way you detailed the death. Something about metal and the sound of snapping bone just really works in my head. I would ask if this might work better in third person rather than first. If you want to keep it in first, the the feel of Sora's personality needs to be stronger. Yes, killing Riku would be traumatic, but HOW traumatic? Would Sora even be capable of putting his thoughts into coherent words? I like the use of the prompt in this one. Bright dead eyes, it's delightfully creepy.

13: Cute, fluffy, I like the details of the two boys getting alone time because it's too hot for anyone to be out. However, it doesn't really go much of anywhere. This drabble is fluff and there's nothing wrong with fluff, but there isn't much there for me to critique, I'm afraid XD;

18: This one...is freaking ADORABLE. XD I love the interaction between the three and I adore the cuteness and it's just so very Riku to have embarrassing boxers on under all the cool pretense he gives off. Kairi's commando comment is particularly hilarious. Some of your grammar is a little rough (you use a contraction towards the end where you shouldn't), but over all it works.

[(Anonymous)]

Your concepts are all good, but your tense tends to slip all over the place which is distracting. For an example, the opening line of [013], "smiling" should be "smiled". [009] also gets a bit repetative with its word choice ("These were the days where the days"), but that habit drops out in the later ones, so I think you've conquored it.

Your imagery is very good. Riku's pale skin, the snapping of bones, the spray on Riku's face are all very vivid without getting wordy. I think if you ran these pieces past a beta reader, they could go from "good" to "marvelous" quite easily. You clearly have the skill.