[Feedback Post]

[wrong.livejournal.com]

To commemorate the 100th challenge at kh_drabble (as well as all sorts of other things), we'll be having this nifty thing called the Feedback Post. Basically, this is a cumulative feedback post, where people (both signed in and anonymous) can give feedback to any author. Basically, in order to participate in it, all you need to be is an author who has posted in this community before (because it's a feedback post, duh.)

For Those Who Want Feedback
1. Put your username down in the comments.
2. It is up to you, but I think it would be helpful if you put links to your latest drabbles. It is up to you, of course.
3. Do enable comment notification, because anonymous comments will be screened.
4. Do feedback to others too, especially if you like receiving your own feedback!

For Those Who Are Giving Feedback
1. Basically, general comments on their writing style, ideas, creativity? I know all of us here are authors, or at the very least, readers, so we do have an idea of what writing is like and how someone can improve. Even better, tell someone their positive points, because we all need a little ego boost now and then.
2. Slanderous reviews will be deleted. Just because it is anonymous doesn't mean that you can shoot your mouth any way you like. If people take advantage of it then anonymous reviewing will be turned off.

I hope that this would be useful and constructive to the participants of this community, but most of all, really fun as well.

So get to it!

(Oh, and if anyone wants to use this to feedback to the moderators about anything in the community, I suppose this is a good time as any to do so. Thanks.)

Comments

sweeeeeeeeeet

[i-got-spunk.livejournal.com]

Awesome ideas, guys!

Some recent works:
[100] (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/489372.html#cutid1)
[085] (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/406808.html)
[083] (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/391898.html)


Thanks in advance :33333

Re: sweeeeeeeeeet

[wrong.livejournal.com]

So that the idea doesn't fall flat on its nose. XD

I really liked how you can say a lot of things in very few words, which shows in your entries. It makes the story feel very tight and very focused, which is always a good thing.

I do think that your entry for [100] is not as good though, mainly because you probably felt constrained by the word limit, so you opted to go dialogue-only. Your attempt for dialogue is weaker, I feel, and it doesn't read as good as the other two drabbles that you put up.

I also went back to see your first few posts in the community, and I'm actually quite surprised to see how much your writing has changed? You mentioned that you are primarily an artist before a writer, but you definitely have a better grasp of description than you did at the beginning. (Your first entry was a little too...wordy and frilly for me, at least).

Re: sweeeeeeeeeet

[i-got-spunk.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the review. I was prompted to go back as well and read some of my older entries, and it is a little weird to read old stuff. Like I look at it now and get a little fidgety because there are things I want to change. I'm glad that my writing has changed, and in my humble opnion (lulz), gottten better. That was one of the main reasons I joined this community. At the time it was a smaller group of very talented writers, and by reading their things and continuing to write my own, I was hoping for improvement. Now I feel kinda overwhelmed by all the writers I don't know, who seem to be aiming to just win challenges as opposed to producing really amazing pieces. But I digress.

Again, thank you. My struggle with the English language continues! <3

Re: sweeeeeeeeeet

[lunarflight.livejournal.com]

100-- OT3 LUFF! Always good to see the trio being a trio. And being adorable at that! However, three people in dialog the way you have it set up is confusing. After a couple of read-throughs I can figure out who said what from the hints you've left, which is what let's the piece succeed. However, the hints aren't strong enough at the beginning. It's really hard to figure out who said what for the first few lines. Even going back through it's hard to do.

Also, personal opinion on characterization: Riku doesn't seem to me like the sort to beg, even Kairi. Sora's in character, Kairi's in character, but Riku feels slightly off to me. But that's purely opinion on 'accurate' characterizations, so feel free to take it with as much salt as you need. XD

85: I do and don't get what you're trying to do with this piece. I really, really like the way you wrote Roxas and the emotions he's showing. I like the admission that he's not changing, which means, to Roxas, that he's not alive. That was handled really well. Axel, on the other hand, I don't think was handled as well. You state "He hadn’t explained it that way of course" but then I don't see where or how he explains it otherwise. For the kind of admission that Roxas throws at him, Axel doesn't really seem to react. He seems to be somewhere between denial and complete acceptance, trying to pretend at life with Roxas, but not fighting Roxas's denial of that life. Axel just doesn't give back the same level of emotion that Roxas puts in, which is odd because Axel is, in the game, more expressive with whatever he is (o isn't feeling), while Roxas is relatively even keeled until everything is falling apart around him. Still, I like what you're trying for, I LOVE Roxas's admission and the way emotion he expresses.

83: This one I REALLY like. Took me a moment to put everything together, but that's mostly my fault. >.>; You know, I don't really have much crit to give on this one except that I REALLY like it.

Re: sweeeeeeeeeet

[i-got-spunk.livejournal.com]

LOL sorry, I just have to mostly disagree with nearly everything you've said. I don't feel the need to spell out everything in the writings, sorry if it's hard to understand.

Re: sweeeeeeeeeet

[kunoichi-life.livejournal.com]

[100] *melts into a puddle of CUTENESS* I love this one. It's cute that you have it only in dialogue, though it was a little difficult to tell who was talking. Cute idea, and a total ball of fluff that warms the soul :) . Everyone's very in character too. I love it.

[085] It's a very poignant drabble :O. My only complaint about this drabble is that the first paragraph was a little wordy and it made for a rocky flow. Other than that first paragraph, it flowed smoothly and it had good direction. I also like how you wrote Axel. It falls within the realm of believable, even if Disney would have imploded before they let anyone snuggle on screen lol.

[083] Great portrayal of Riku right there. He's self-loathing, but not to the point of annoying the reader. You really get that resentment towards his mistake and his frustration, and that's what makes this short little drabble great :D. It came across clear and strong.

[lapifors.livejournal.com]

Sounds good :]

Turn of Century (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/489179.html#cutid1) For 'One Hundred.'

[i-got-spunk.livejournal.com]

In terms of this drabble, I really liked the originality behind it. It's bizarre to me that Kairi wasn't mentioned, and I think that it would have added a more 'well-rounded' feel to it. Sometimes it seems that your sentences are a little run-on, but you're eloquent and that's so refreshing.

[lapifors.livejournal.com]

I actually just *facepalmed* at myself because I had totally not realised that I'd forgotten Kairi. I usually like to give her a mention because I think she's not really appreciated enough. Cheers for that :) next time I'll be sure to include her. And yes... I am guilty of the run of sentences... I'll work on that as well.

[lunarflight.livejournal.com]

First of all...your tense is ALL OVER THE PLACE. XD It's not so horrible that it drives me crazy, but it is distracting at times to figure out whether we're talking about the past, the present, the distant past, or what.

But I really like the idea of this one and the feeling of years on Merlin. I love the line about Riku, don't ask me entirely why. The characters are good (though yes, the lack of Kairi is SAD XD), the idea is great. Mostly you just need to go through, examine your tense, and tighten up the language in a few places.

[lapifors.livejournal.com]

Ahahaa yeah, my tenses are terrible. It's because at the moment I'm reading this series of books which are in the present tense, and I tend to mimic the style of the author I've just been reading in whatever I'm writing, but as I usually write in the past tense, everything gets muddled. I usually try to go through and pick out any tense mistakes, I thought I'd got them all for this piece, obviously not!

Thanks :) this was helpful.

[kunoichi-life.livejournal.com]

I also find it a little weird that Kairi wasn't mention. I guess that might be because I really see them as a trio and where Sora goes, Riku and Kairi inevitably follow.... but the drabble was really well done. It's an original idea I haven't seen done before now, and it was well executed. It makes the heart ache. Well written!

[misskass.livejournal.com]

*pops in before running off to bed*

Me please! This is an awesome idea. =)

[092] - Feathers (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/447110.html)
[091] - Invincible (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/444652.html)
[071] - Castles (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/321276.html)

[lunarflight.livejournal.com]

92: The second line, discussing the senses in the dark is rather awkward in places, particularly with the way you're using tense. I think it's grammatically correct, but it's still awkward to read. I love the idea and it's a very beautiful little drabble. In a lot of ways, however, you almost over use the feather imagery. You only have to say it once for us to get the idea and once is all you need to qualify for the weekly drabble. Very cute, though, very touching.

91: I'm very amused how you used the prompt in this one. It gives an interesting frame work for the piece and handling what's happening. Simple, but creative and effective.

71: DAAAAW. Very cute, but also emotional and touching with that ending line. On a note about that ending line, though, it's a bit funky. Worded a little differently, it might be stronger. I love the scenes from the past, those were so adorable. Some descriptions of the castles would have been nice, but still, the piece works well as it is.

[MOD]

[wrong.livejournal.com]

Hello, it seemed that I have missed this, but please change your icon because it is part of the Secret Ending. I know it's not spoilery, but we have already set the Secret Ending ban in motion. As of now, your comment is screened until it is changed.

Re: [MOD]

[misskass.livejournal.com]

*fails* I've changed it now. =)

[unsafebet.livejournal.com]

Oh geeze, it's been ages since I've posted here. :/
Here are the four I've written for here:

[009] (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/37835.html)
[010] (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/40319.html)
[013] (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/56350.html)
[018] (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/74043.html)

I really need to finish those 40 drabbles I promised.

[i-got-spunk.livejournal.com]

LOL Well I've seen your OTHER stuff around and it's wonderful <3

[lunarflight.livejournal.com]

9: LOVE that last line. Yeah, Riku's so pale, he'd totally FRY in the sun without a lot of sunscreen. XD The language is rather rough in the beginning of this. You use fragments where they just break up the flow and make things confusing. You could go into more detail about just how the solstice is celebrated on Destiny Island. I do like the idea that the heartless are stronger during the solstice and can touch children's dreams during this time, as well as Riku's link to them. It's a good idea, but needs more detail to really work.

10: I like the way you detailed the death. Something about metal and the sound of snapping bone just really works in my head. I would ask if this might work better in third person rather than first. If you want to keep it in first, the the feel of Sora's personality needs to be stronger. Yes, killing Riku would be traumatic, but HOW traumatic? Would Sora even be capable of putting his thoughts into coherent words? I like the use of the prompt in this one. Bright dead eyes, it's delightfully creepy.

13: Cute, fluffy, I like the details of the two boys getting alone time because it's too hot for anyone to be out. However, it doesn't really go much of anywhere. This drabble is fluff and there's nothing wrong with fluff, but there isn't much there for me to critique, I'm afraid XD;

18: This one...is freaking ADORABLE. XD I love the interaction between the three and I adore the cuteness and it's just so very Riku to have embarrassing boxers on under all the cool pretense he gives off. Kairi's commando comment is particularly hilarious. Some of your grammar is a little rough (you use a contraction towards the end where you shouldn't), but over all it works.

[(Anonymous)]

Your concepts are all good, but your tense tends to slip all over the place which is distracting. For an example, the opening line of [013], "smiling" should be "smiled". [009] also gets a bit repetative with its word choice ("These were the days where the days"), but that habit drops out in the later ones, so I think you've conquored it.

Your imagery is very good. Riku's pale skin, the snapping of bones, the spray on Riku's face are all very vivid without getting wordy. I think if you ran these pieces past a beta reader, they could go from "good" to "marvelous" quite easily. You clearly have the skill.

[jaydesummers.livejournal.com]

Anything for the sake of improvement! :D

[91] - Invincible (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/443777.html)
[54] - Choices (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/206730.html)
[57} - Completion (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/217455.html)

:D I think there's some others but I went memory diving for those three. XD

[(Anonymous)]

[91] is hands down the best. The only thing to really say about it is the next to last line needs a question mark. The concept is peaceful, yet relaxing, the imagery is well done. It's a good piece.

[57] is likewise good, although there are points where the imagery doesn't click quite as well. I can't tell you why, which is irritating, but something in the word choice seems...off.

[54] was a good concept, but your imagery and voice isn't really there. Rather than hearing Riku think these thoughts, we're told he thought them. Also, "the boys mind was made up. Turning around, Riku nodded as his mind was finally made up. For good or bad, better or for worse, Riku had made up his mind", is extreamly repetative and it doesn't add anything to the rhythm. Of course, this was also the first of the pieces, so it stands to reason that it's the weakest.

[jaydesummers.livejournal.com]

xD! Well I'm pretty sure I can go in and put in a silly little question mark! ♥ Imagery is one of my weaker points in writing and I've been trying to get better with it but alas... I'll just have to keep plugging away at it! :O

Oh look, my little friend Redundancy paid me a visit that day! XD My one true writing weakness. .__.

Thank yoooooou!

[dusknobody.livejournal.com]

...I can never remember what I actually posted and in which order, so here are a random three. I promise to respond to everyone else at some later time, although I will likely do it anonymously, simply for the sake of amusement. ♥ (I like trying to guess who left what comment...)

All Fall Down (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/384625.html)
Flurry of Flame (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/415955.html)
Wrong (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/339535.html)

[i-got-spunk.livejournal.com]

I just love your stuff, I have to admit. You're concise and the concepts you manipulate are really striking. Flurry of Flame is my favourite out of the ones you posted here, I love the descriptions. But they're not too wordy to get distracting so... 8D <3

[dusknobody.livejournal.com]

Thank you! ♥ I sometimes feel that my concepts are a bit...ah...out there, so it's good to know they work well.

[lorei.livejournal.com]

I like these :D They're pretty and descriptive, and I really like your use of language, it's simple and easy and it flows wonderfully. My problem would be that they're awfully vague (All Fall Down, especially)-- like pretty poetry, it's great to read, but I had to re-read a few times because I felt as though I'd missed the point of the drabble the first few times around.

[lindskaba.livejournal.com]

I always love your ideas. They're so unusual and refreshing and dark in the sense that they are usually things that people do not consider, things hidden in the back of their minds. Sometimes your writing is a bit vague. I like to think I'm good at picking out subtleties in writing (though to be honest I haven't been the best at it XD), but with 'Flurry of Flame', for example, I just can't...pick out what is going on? The other two I adore, especially All Fall Down (if only because I love the perspective you use, and all the little naughty implications). But really, it's probably just nitpicking on my part... When I write vague stuff, I do it for myself, knowing that most people will not completely get it or even like it. I feel like all of your pieces are like that -- appreciated by few, but loved by those who appreciate it. (also, I feel like since I started reading your stuff, you've really developed a style of writing that I really like, not just a style of plot, if that makes any sense.) And now after copious rambling, I'll just say that you've got a fan here ♥

[lorei.livejournal.com]

This is an interesting idea...I'll offer feedback myself, a bit later when I've got more time :D

eighty-five (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/403626.html)
eight-six (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/409456.html)
ninety-seven (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/474580.html)

[lazzchan.livejournal.com]

85 is really interesting, because it gives a (very disturbing) image of what life is like when you're an adult. That you go to school, then you work and marry and die-- it's frightfully accurate and I can see Riku not wanting to accept the same standard as everyone else. Very good insight to his character and why he did the things he did. You really good at writing character pieces themselves, even if sometimes there are small errors here and there.

86 has a lovely discordant feel, where you're not sure who is what and what's going on, but it just works for the piece. Again, your writing style is amazing for catching an image. Never very long, but just a lot packed into it.

97 was wonderfully original. =D Poor Sora! But it was a sort of 'breaking the 4th wall' without being so horribly obvious about it. Great images here and a lovely poke into what could have been going through Sora's head. *laughs* Video game character indeed!

Hmmm, funnishness!

[kashuarashi.livejournal.com]

Heh, this looks like fun. Okay then, stuff I've done:

[95]Testing
[98]Mother
[99]Fungus Among Us

And, because I'm using this icon:

[67] Delusions

(I keep forgetting I actually entered that thing as a challange entry...Oo;;) (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/466323.html) (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/476163.html) (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/486955.html) (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/283502.html)

[aetherae.livejournal.com]

:D Me likey thiiis. XD

Recent works:
[100] One-hundred (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/491699.html)
[99] Sidequests (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/485430.html)
[98] Mother (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/478324.html)
[98] Mother (2nd post) (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/481347.html)

[lunarflight.livejournal.com]

Hmm, it'd be nice to get some feedback to know what the community is looking for in its drabbles, since I'm still fairly new here.

[099] (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/487762.html)
[098] (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/479449.html)

Really would like some crits on 99, as I'm still working on getting a feel of those characters and I want to know how my characterization is.

Crits on the second one (98, challenge for Mother) aren't really necessary, though, as that drabble was done purely for entertainment. XD

[lorei.livejournal.com]

With 99, it seems more like Demyx talking then Axel. I think it's got something to do with all the exclamation points you tacked on his dialogue -- he's more manipulative then eager, besides, it would be just fine to have no exclamation points at all. They give a weird, semi-comic feel to a drabble that's over-all more serious. Xemnas is..not bad, persay, but boring. He's more of a talking head then a character in that one. (It's not bad, exactly, since he's not the main focus, but the characterization is too weak for me to decide if I like it or not.)

[lunarflight.livejournal.com]

I THOUGHT there were too many exclamation points when I wrote that. -__-; I should so know better than to abuse exclamation points like that.

Thank you, I'll definitely keep all of that in mind.

[aetherae.livejournal.com]

I agree with lorei. I think you used too many exclamation points, making Axel seem...not really Axel. Love the last line though. XD

And, umm, Xemnas...I think he should have been, uh, more...speechy? XD I don't know, but Xemnas just really likes to talk for hours on end and I think he seemed a little too...normal in there. I'm not sure, I'm still a newbie as well. XD

[kunoichi-life.livejournal.com]

This is such a great idea :3.

Here are my batch...

[071] The Storyteller (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/319935.html)
[097] Resolute (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/473559.html)
[098] Company (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/480368.html)

[lindskaba.livejournal.com]

I'm suuuuure you know what I think of your stuff, but I'll say it again anyway: there's a certain way you write nostalgia that is so...perfect, it always gets me. I totally understand why you requested that sort of piece for your secret santa: it must have a special place in your heart, you write it so well! ♥

[euphonious-glow.livejournal.com]

Hi there. If anyone is interested in giving me some feedback on my writing style, plot, characterization, etc. here are the links to some of my newest entries in this community. I like tough crit, so don't be afraid to point out the little details. I would really like to improve in any way I can.

[081] - Trick or Treat (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/379683.html)
[083] - Reflection (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/389441.html)
[084] - Dust (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/396424.html)
[087] - Snow (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/416454.html)
[088] - Tomorrow (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/423453.html)
[094] - Conspiracy (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/457760.html)
[095] - Poison (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/463707.html)

[lazzchan.livejournal.com]

Well, I could do this whole "let's leave feedback" post-- =D Since I am a mod and it'd be nice to actually, y'know---participate in this idea. *laughs*

the sky's the limit 73 (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/329730.html)

Dance 75 (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/341913.html)

Tidying Up 78 (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/361104.html)

Shadow 79 (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/368689.html)

annnnnnd just because one last one is needed (for some odd reason in my brain) feedback on the winning entry I had, just b/c I'd like to how it was winning? lol

Crossroads 82 (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/385654.html)

[masakomoonshade.livejournal.com]

I definitely like how you delve into a character's mind--bringing out little allusions to flesh them out even more. You've got a definite creativity, too, and a lot of these are perspectives that I would never have thought about on my own.

All in all, I like your style. It's got a nice, wandering feel to it. Very nice.

[lazzchan.livejournal.com]

Thank you! =D

[nirvana-falling.livejournal.com]

:D feedbackz plz, lol.

But seriously. Here's links. Love them.

placebo (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/466072.html)
year without light (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/453054.html)
like the sun (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/443230.html)
place that used to breathe (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/438063.html)
mine to save (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/431223.html)
belong with me (http://community.livejournal.com/kh_drabble/426389.html)

...just a few. Sorry.