(no subject)

[schizo-niko.livejournal.com]

Challenge: [85] Alive
Title: Raze
Word Count: 374
Spoilers: No, unless you don't know where the Traverse Town gang is from.
Notes: The first time I've ever written anything with these three. Not one of my favourite drabbles, I have to say. And, if you want to know, it's supposed to be really choppy.

         

           

The forecast called for rain. In coordination the sky grew dark, clouds looming oppressively. It was mid-afternoon.

            
The children couldn’t go outside to play to their (and their parents’) disappointment. As a serious boy of twelve, Squall Leonhart gazed moodily out the window watching the annoying girl across the street stomp around in the puddles that welled on the cobblestone. Nothing would keep that Yuffie down.  

            
A braided, brown head poked in the door—Aeris Gainsborough, another neighbour, who had adopted Squall’s mother and vice versa.

           
“If you help decorate them you can eat some,” she said softly. Cookies; the scent was in the air.

           
“No, thanks.”

            
“…Alright.” She was gone.

 

 

 

The rumbling was awful and noisy, thunder combined with destruction and disaster of their super-industrial but radiant homes. Squall woke with a start when the ceiling was suctioned away by a wind that felt like fear and dank spaces. The sky was a violent bruise-purple.

 

 

 

By the next hour so many had died with claws in their hearts. Parodies of monsters tore and devoured. Squall bolted down the brick road, his neighbours right on his heels. The man in him turned protective.

There were no corpses; if someone couldn’t find their loved one it was all the evidence they needed. The castle was sparking and fizzing in the distance.

Aeris was frightened but determined; Yuffie more of the latter until she started screaming; one of the beasts, a thing that donned imperial armour, dug its nails into her leg. Squall cried out to it and ran, colliding into its body. Pain shot through him. Aeris grabbed the ten-year-old girl’s hand. They fled.

 

 

 

The fear subsided, purple fading into calm, deep blue speckled with stars. Warm lamps covered them with kind glow.

            
Squall fought to keep his eyes open and rolled to his knees, glancing at the people who’d fallen with him. A spunky little girl, a calm brunette, and a gruff blond man they’d attached themselves to upon finding him fending the beasts off doggedly.

           
In the rain of their home all was black and wet. Here it was dry and composed of warm colours.

            
Any child would have broken down and cried. Home, parents, friends—gone.

            
Squall sighed.

            
“Alive. At least we’re alive.”

 

Comments

[kiaxet]

Oh...oh, my...

Amazing. I've never seen anybody drabble (or write at all) this scene before, and you do it with a finesse that speaks of deep knowledge of the characters and great talent.

Needless to say, I loved it.

[kunoichi-life.livejournal.com]

The part with Yuffie splashing in the puddles is so.... YUFFIE. And completely adorable :D. Aaannndd then you blindside me with the heartless thing, bludgeoned mercilessly and then thwacked viciously with the final line.

You cruel, cruel thing.

*(<3 Drabble love)*

[lindskaba.livejournal.com]

I think it's really good, personally. The detatched style works very well to create a dramatic and slightly heart-wrenching feel. I love your depiction of young Leon here. You never say 'he was ,' but show what he is by comparing him to what he is not: "Any child would have broken down and cried." I loved that line. I think you could have done without the first bit, or at least connected it more to the rest of the story. Otherwise, though, you did a great job, seriously.

Also...this is just a personal pet peeve of mine, but I notice that you do it a lot: I really dislike when authors tell the readers in their notes how they are supposed to view the story, especially when it's done so in an exasperated tone (though, of course, it's just text and I really can't tell, but that's what I feel). It feels...pretentious to me, and also shows a lack of faith in one's writing and readers; if you think the tone of your piece does not come across, then instead of telling us what it is, perhaps you should go back and try to express it more acutely in the actual text...or at least have some faith in your readers to get what you were trying to express. And even if they don't, who cares: the beautiful thing about writing is that it is interpretational. It gives different people different things, but always always gives.

I hope you don't mind that I posted my thoughts here; I always try to be frank in my replies to drabbles.

[i-got-spunk.livejournal.com]

Mm, I have a soft spot for stories about this stuff.

[okami-hu.livejournal.com]

I LOVE when others picture Heartless attacks just like I do. <3

[aishiteru.livejournal.com]

Pitch-perfect and adorable Leon. Love for you!

[tabitha-dornoc.livejournal.com]

*clings* ORIGINALITY! Dark and fitting and lovely. Your Squall needs hugs and the cookies he so tragically dismissed, lol. Very nice!