Scream Challenge

[ichbinfishstick.livejournal.com]

Challenge: Scream.
Title: Borrowing A Sound.
Word Count: 199.

It has been a while since he last cried. Come to think of it, not even he can remember when. Almost everyone thinks it is because he has no reason to, or, that he is stronger than they all are. No matter how many times he will fall down, all he does is wipe off the sand and spit on his wound. Nobody knows why he does not simply wash it, instead.

Either way, he is their support. Wakka refuses to admit it to himself; it sounds ridiculous. Nevertheless, it is the truth. If he giggles, they all do the same; why should they feel weak when he does not. Maybe it is a good thing that they are able to stay happy- though, to him, it is merely forced contentment.

Wakka holds back laughter. The unpleasant, cliché sound is not wanted today- but, when is it ever? Instead, he closes his eyes and opens his mouth as wide as he can. Let go, he thinks, trying to scream, if even only slightly. Just let go.

Nothing happens, and he is not surprised. He cannot cry, so he screams. He cannot scream, so all he can do is laugh.

Comments

[raiknii.livejournal.com]

Love it. It really is nice - it has lots of raw emotion behind it. This drabble has the emotional quality one would expect from a memoir - very nice, and quite rare. (And it's nice to see someone else writing in what I call the third-person-first: using "he" instead of "I", but showing the character's inner emotions.)

Because I promised myself I'd include one thing that could be improved in every review, I'm telling you this could use some polish. For example, "No matter how many times he will fall down" (paragraph 1, sentence 4) should be "No matter how many times he falls down". There are several other minor errors like that, but the idea behind the story is quite nice.

Sorry to nitpick - do you mind terribly?

[ichbinfishstick.livejournal.com]

Gosh, NO! I love it when people tell me what I've done wrong and how to improve! :D I appreciate it very much *nod*

I'm trying to experiment with different styles of writing. I'm hopeless at writing stuff in the present tense, since I've only tried it out with four drabbles. But I have to practice somehow, right? :D I'm grateful for your criticism, though! *thumbs up*

Thanks! ♥

[x-saturnine.livejournal.com]

I have a soft spot for Wakka. Your drabble tickles my fancy. Very spiff.

[ichbinfishstick.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks yous ♥