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[cygna-hime.livejournal.com]

Challenge: [196] Fifty Words
Title: Counting-Out Rhyme
Word Count: 50.
Spoilers: KHII.
Characters: Namine.
Summary: She sings half-forgotten songs in the absence of her heartbeat.


She counts the stairs he climbs

(one two three four five six seven)

dreams of yesterday's tomorrows

(all good children go to heaven)

never cries

(penny on the water)

has eyes the wrong blue

(tuppence on the sea)

sees Roxas just once

(threepence on the railway)

and out goes she.

Comments

[iki-teru.livejournal.com]

This was absolutely lovely and gave me chills. I love how you seperated it into columns, it created an interesting mood.

[cygna-hime.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm not usually this formatting-happy, but this time I thought it gave me the effect I was looking for.

[breathless-dawn.livejournal.com]

This was so beautiful, and I particularly loved the arrangement of the words. Goregeous, simply gorgeous :)

[cygna-hime.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it worked and you liked it. (Clearly, the answer to "how to make 50 words say more than that" is "hide entire sentences in the formatting".)

[crimsoncookie.livejournal.com]

i love it. ♥ i always love inclusion of fairytales or rhymes or games, and i adore how you've woven one through the story. this challenge is a wonderful chance to write things word-perfect, and i think you've done a fabulous job.