FWEE

[shining-heart.livejournal.com]

this is ANOTHER one that is going to haunt me till next tuesday -___-....

Title: Story-tales
challenge: ever after
word count: 186
notes: xDD ph33r teh qu33n of angst


"And the prince and princess rode off into the sun-set, destined to live happily ever after." Selphie finished with a hopeless sigh.
She placed the book gently in her lap, mind already pondering the sweet story.
"That's not how it happens." Said a vaguely familiar broken girl behind her.
Kairi sat just in front of the bent paopu tree, her knees drawn tightly to her chest. Dark amethyst eyes stayed trained on the still ocean.
They both knew why she was still out there.
She was waiting.
For those two who would simply not return.
She spoke again; her voice cracking and wavering as she went along, "The knight isn't naturally evil, he is misguided in his actions. And the prince isn't necessarily valiant, more so innocent."
The pretty red head sniffed, wiping the back of her hand quickly across her eyes. "And the princess never asked to be saved, she never asked for them to risk everything for her. They just assumed she needed rescuing from the darkness."
Neither of the girls spoke, they simply sat watching the sun fade beyond the ocean.


OMG. I think I have an issue with happy stories o.O... meh... it's weird...
Edited on Friday the twenty eighth for more realistic people speech xDD

Comments

[avatar-infidel.livejournal.com]

I like how you've contrasted fantasy and reality in this drabble. Kairi's sorrowful words are the bitter, worldly alter-ego of the fairytale fantasy read aloud by Selphie, and serve as a powerful testament to the misery of an unhappy ending.

Kairi's final sentence makes tangible the guilt she feels as the sole survivor of her unfortunate fairytale, and the image of her waiting doggedly for Riku and Sora to return is a strikingly sad one.

My only suggestion is that you add a few contractions to Kairi's speech. Replacing 'is not' with 'isn't' would make Kairi's words less formal and a little more in keeping with we might expect from her.

Otherwise, it's great. ^^

[shining-heart.livejournal.com]

i fixed the text; is it better now? xDD *wishes to point out that she is extremely anal about her stories and loves it when people tell her how to improve* Bob Bless you many times over you sweet sweet person.

[avatar-infidel.livejournal.com]

Thank you for taking my suggestion so graciously. ^^

The amendments you made, although minor, I feel add a level of informality to Kairi's speech that is indicative of her youth and her close friendship with Selphie. This added reminder of her age also emphasises how painfully young all three of them were. Wonderful. ^^