what is wrong with me
Jan. 21st, 2007 07:32 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
aishiteru.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
kh_drabbleD:
Title: Merge
Word count: 452
Characters: Sora, Roxas
Spoilers: Uh, yes? Six Days of Roxas.
Notes: Holy good god. This is not what I meant to write. I meant to write something about blindfolds. And then THIS happened. Extreme Roxas torture. This was actually somewhat hard for me to write, it's that cruel. Lots of subtext here.
The merging was painful, when it happened. A chaotic slip-slide collision of two vastly different worlds, suddenly shoved into one huge writhing mass of confusion and pain and heart and soul.
Only Roxas felt the pain. Only Roxas felt his skin ripping shredding dissolving as it stopped being his and became Sora's. They were two, but there could only be one. It was basic arithmetic, really, a simple kind of chemistry; just balance the equation. Roxas may have never really existed, but even non-existence manifests somehow, and one does not need a heart to feel pain.
Roxas's body was obliterated, when the merging came. To his horror, he was awake for all of it, every last second of his bones melting, his eyes going blind, his blood dissolving.
It could have been a second, it could have been eternity. When next he saw the world, outside of that flower, he knew he was no longer in control.
Eventually he stopped knowing things. He stopped knowing things; Sora knew things, but Roxas was Sora and no longer separate, so Roxora, he knew what Sora knew and knew nothing of his own. How could he be his own when there was only one, only one to know and no extra pieces?
Eventually he stopped seeing things. Sora's eyes swept and scanned, blinked and watered, but only Sora saw it all, because they were Sora's eyes and Roxas had lost his, gone in fixing that almost fatal error, the terrible sin of ripping the Keyblade master in two.
Eventually he stopped feeling things. Sora's heart jumped and beat and stop-started, his chest clenched and his gut roiled, his skin chilled and his mind spun, and Roxas wondered where he was in all of it, tossed about on Sea Sora, but realized he was the sea, still not his own, never been would never be never was his own, anyway, to own is to be to think is to be and Roxas did none of these things.
Eventually, he stopped.
Sora shot up in bed like he'd been shot. His pajamas tangled around him in a sweaty, choking mess, and he was thankful for the freezing chill that shot up his spine when his feet hit the floor, reminding him of what was real.
"Sora?" Kairi's voice was muddled with sleep, and he could hear the whisper of shifting cloth as she sat up.
"It's nothing, Kai," he murmured. He simply sat there, facing away from the light of the moon, and watched his hands shake.
His dreams, he'd found, had gotten harder to remember.
Now, he remembered nothing at all.
For the first time in many years he felt alone, and he couldn't understand why.
Title: Merge
Word count: 452
Characters: Sora, Roxas
Spoilers: Uh, yes? Six Days of Roxas.
Notes: Holy good god. This is not what I meant to write. I meant to write something about blindfolds. And then THIS happened. Extreme Roxas torture. This was actually somewhat hard for me to write, it's that cruel. Lots of subtext here.
The merging was painful, when it happened. A chaotic slip-slide collision of two vastly different worlds, suddenly shoved into one huge writhing mass of confusion and pain and heart and soul.
Only Roxas felt the pain. Only Roxas felt his skin ripping shredding dissolving as it stopped being his and became Sora's. They were two, but there could only be one. It was basic arithmetic, really, a simple kind of chemistry; just balance the equation. Roxas may have never really existed, but even non-existence manifests somehow, and one does not need a heart to feel pain.
Roxas's body was obliterated, when the merging came. To his horror, he was awake for all of it, every last second of his bones melting, his eyes going blind, his blood dissolving.
It could have been a second, it could have been eternity. When next he saw the world, outside of that flower, he knew he was no longer in control.
Eventually he stopped knowing things. He stopped knowing things; Sora knew things, but Roxas was Sora and no longer separate, so Roxora, he knew what Sora knew and knew nothing of his own. How could he be his own when there was only one, only one to know and no extra pieces?
Eventually he stopped seeing things. Sora's eyes swept and scanned, blinked and watered, but only Sora saw it all, because they were Sora's eyes and Roxas had lost his, gone in fixing that almost fatal error, the terrible sin of ripping the Keyblade master in two.
Eventually he stopped feeling things. Sora's heart jumped and beat and stop-started, his chest clenched and his gut roiled, his skin chilled and his mind spun, and Roxas wondered where he was in all of it, tossed about on Sea Sora, but realized he was the sea, still not his own, never been would never be never was his own, anyway, to own is to be to think is to be and Roxas did none of these things.
Eventually, he stopped.
Sora shot up in bed like he'd been shot. His pajamas tangled around him in a sweaty, choking mess, and he was thankful for the freezing chill that shot up his spine when his feet hit the floor, reminding him of what was real.
"Sora?" Kairi's voice was muddled with sleep, and he could hear the whisper of shifting cloth as she sat up.
"It's nothing, Kai," he murmured. He simply sat there, facing away from the light of the moon, and watched his hands shake.
His dreams, he'd found, had gotten harder to remember.
Now, he remembered nothing at all.
For the first time in many years he felt alone, and he couldn't understand why.
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Date: 2007-01-22 12:56 am (UTC)just.. wooowwwww.
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Date: 2007-01-22 01:43 am (UTC)♥! (even though the morbid levels goin' on here are toxic)
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Date: 2007-01-22 01:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-22 01:42 am (UTC)The prose was sketchy. Literally! This is my writerly equivalent of a messy pencil sketch. It's the way I sometimes choose to reflect really strong emotion. I'm glad it worked, since it's always something of a gamble. >>; :D;
god that line! and the ending, too! I am so unremittingly cruel, I've no idea what's wrong with me. ;______;
aw, tabitha. you make me blush. <3 I OWE YOU DRABBLE, DON'T I.
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Date: 2007-01-22 08:12 pm (UTC)DRABBLE! It's only been like a week. Don't freak out, lol. :D
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Date: 2007-01-22 09:37 pm (UTC)-killed dead-
YEAH BUT I LIKE TO KEEP REMING MYSELF OR IT'LL BE LIKE A MONTH GONE BY BEFORE I EVEN REMEMBER AGAIN. :<
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Date: 2007-01-22 02:14 am (UTC)And the
worstbest thing is that it's plausible, in its way.no subject
Date: 2007-01-22 02:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-22 06:34 am (UTC)it IS kinda plausible... I see this as happening when Sora's in his twenties, perhaps - originally the idea was to have this set the night before his 21st birthday, but I ended up sorta cutting that out.
glad you liked (?) it. ♥
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Date: 2007-01-28 02:49 am (UTC)I got curious and looked at the RP comm that journal is for. Paradisa. I've heard of it before.
If I said I was interested, would you tell me about it? :x
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Date: 2007-01-22 08:25 pm (UTC)*luffs all over you*
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Date: 2007-01-22 09:35 pm (UTC)-luffs back- thank you~ even if it is, like. -flails- mean. :x
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Date: 2007-01-23 12:34 am (UTC)He stopped knowing things; Sora knew things, but Roxas was Sora and no longer separate, so Roxora, he knew what Sora knew and knew nothing of his own. How could he be his own when there was only one, only one to know and no extra pieces?
Agggh. That is an absolutely excellent way to describe how their was, really, only one all along. (And ever since reading Lolita I have had this thing for mixing up names. Like Roxora. So yes, win for that too ^^)
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Date: 2007-01-23 12:46 am (UTC)The Roxora bit was one of many unplanned things about this whole drabble. It was a stream of consciousness thing that made sense to me, that if Roxas stopped knowing things he'd stop knowing his own name because it would blend into Sora's... Roxora.
Sadly enough, there always WAS only one. Much as he and Axel would probably argue. -hides-
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Date: 2007-01-25 04:25 am (UTC)Still, this fic is wonderful and intense and made of win. ♥
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Date: 2007-01-25 08:36 am (UTC)Moving on! thank youuuu~ :3
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Date: 2007-01-25 05:35 pm (UTC)...Is it bad that I want to write a happy fic/drabble for every one like this I find?
Uh... is any good writing ever a bad thing? (pssssst! The answer is no.)
*applauds you* Wonderful job, and thank you for the extra motivation to get my goddamn project done~. XD
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Date: 2007-01-26 08:31 am (UTC)<3
-is applauded?- You are far too kind, my dear. <3 Which project would that be? XD
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Date: 2007-01-27 09:47 pm (UTC)Not at all~. :D
The project that involves Riku in a purple bunny suit. ^^ The excerpt you read before. ^^