[101] Puppet Entry

[euphonious-glow.livejournal.com]

Challenge: [101] Puppet
Title: The Most Melancholy of Toys
Characters: Riku Replica, Sora, Namine, Organization XIII
Rating: G
Word Count: 159
Notes: This is definitely a new style for me, so let me know how it works out.



"Don't break him, Larxene," Axel sneers, as the blonde Nobody disappears.

"Don't worry, I'll only play with him a little." She laughs at her own joke.

Marluxia leans down to whisper in Namine's ear. "Soon, the Keyblade Master will be ours." She shivers and goes back to her drawing. Her hands shake, and the colors smudge. She has the ability to break Sora, if Marluxia orders it.

Vexen glowers in his success, as Zexion watches curiously. "Remarkable, how similar they are," he comments idly. The silver-haired boy on the table opens his eyes.

"You think your little mascot will save you?" The tiny blonde girl stands before Marluxia, unwillingly summoned, the only barrier between the fire-dancer and the scythe-wielder. "I won't be your pet anymore!" she cries, turning on Marluxia with defiance.

"I'm the real Riku," the Replica says, even as he is fading into nothing. For him, there would be no funeral.

You are nothing but a puppet.

Comments

[lorei.livejournal.com]

This sort of style-- it's interesting, and it's certainly not a bad drabble, not at all. But it seems awfully jumpy, maybe because of how quickly it moves through both their stories? I feel we've hardly gotten to see them by the time we get to the end, and like it reads far too quickly, as though there's not enough substance in each of the paragraphs.

[hotasphyxiation.livejournal.com]

i actually really like the jumpiness. it's like CoM in 30 seconds. :p but seriously, that's a really interesting concept, and it actually made me notice for the first time the parallels in their stories. i also like how, in the end, the last line connects everything and ties it all together, like the voice is speaking to all of them at once.

[hotasphyxiation.livejournal.com]

oh and nice title. lol i just noticed it.

[dilly-spandle.livejournal.com]

I like this a lot. CoM is full of puppets, and you captured them really well. =D

[euphonious-glow.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was nervous about writing in a new style, so it's nice to get positive feedback for it.

it actually made me notice for the first time the parallels in their stories.

It's the greatest compliment for me when my work makes other people notice something different. So thanks very much!