Challenge 199

[bouncyballparty.livejournal.com]

Challenge: (199) Remember the Ladies
Title: Ophelia
Word Count: 600 exactly
The Special Lady: Kairi
Notes: Alternate Universe, Painting by John Everett Millais gave me the idea 
 
 

 

Kairi breathed and exhaled femininity.
 

Skinny, ineffectual wrists; thin undefined arms, legs that looked fragile and delicate, like they could break. Smooth and soft, like cotton or silk. The curve of her hips to the fullness of her maturing breasts all followed a single unyielding line. Like something made for the sole purpose of holding. For trailing your hands from slender ankles to gracious pouting cheeks without pause.
 

Kairi was only steps away, lying in the shallowest part of the pool, her face the only part of her not swallowed by green tinged water.
 

“Kairi?” Sora waded close, ripples disturbing the crimson halo around her head, the waves shuddering silently. His shoes were on the beach, leather polished bright black and half-buried in sand.
 

Crystals on red lashes turned dark, thick with mascara. And the fragments of the tears she couldn't cry anymore. Kairi opened her eyes to the sky, her hands grasping tighter into the cloth bound to her legs. She rose in an arch, sand caught in the web of vermillion, no longer a halo, but a glittering, dripping net against her neck.
 

“What the hell?” Was the first thing she said, the diamonds around her neck much more prominent amongst the pale sand. Her dress clung to her like gauze, an entanglement of lace, expensive silk weighing her down as she attempted standing.
 

Sora stepped forward to help, taking her under the arms and hoisting her up, grunting with effort of lifting her water-heavy gown.
 

“Get me out of this thing. Please.” Kairi insisted, tiredly tugging the straps, her pale arms long and slender, delicately defined from weeks of vigorous exercise. After Sora's fumbling hands found her zipper, the layers of wet cloth separated, revealing her perfectly tanned back and flat ageless stomach, tight from two months of dieting and crunches.
 

Sora's hands felt too big against her cold-warm skin, his fingers jumping awkwardly when he touched the strap of her bra. Lacy underwear bought for the sole purpose of having sex with her best friend looked less impressive see-through and skin-colored from the water. Sora tried hard not to notice the rosy buds erect from the cold beneath her bra as he freed her of her dress, sending it adrift, heavy and bloated like a great white dead fish.
 

“I can't marry you, Kai.” Sora nodded, as if reassuring himself that it's what he really wanted. “I mean, I don't want to.” He jammed his hands in his pockets, no longer touching, but grasped into tight fists inside his pants.
 

“Tell me about it.”
 

Sora had always thought his friend was beautiful, just not in the way he was supposed to. He envied her long legs and smooth skin, unmarred by rough childhood games. She had no blemishes, scraped knees, or thick waxy scars from botched play sword fights. He knew the kind of attention she got from being so flawless. Men would kill to be where he was half an hour ago, standing at the altar, his soon-to-be wife, an Aphrodite, walking down the aisle.

 

The rest of the wedding party began to show up, family mostly. They crowded around the same area, staring down at the two of them, one holding a dripping wedding dress and a half-naked girl.
 

“Oh, Kairi,” Kairi's mom ran forward first, shedding her coat to cover her. Kairi rejected her, stomping uneasily through the sand in sinking heels.
 

“I'm fine. Can we just go?” Not even sparing a glance at her fiancé—ex-fiancé—trudging back up the beach, fire-haired mother in tow.

 

Comments

[MOD]

[crimsoncookie.livejournal.com]

sorry - for the challenges here at kh_drabble, entries need to be 600 words or under. if you'd like to have this piece included in this week's challenge, please cut it to that length. otherwise, please mark it as a non-challenge entry.

thanks!

Re: [MOD]

[bouncyballparty.livejournal.com]

There, I fixed it. This was my first challenge. Excuse my ignorace -_-;

Hehe, I'm glad to participate though

[kaos-sparrow.livejournal.com]

Innnnnnteresting.

[bouncyballparty.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Though I think it might be a little story-ish to be a proper drabble. Oh well. ^-^

[iki-teru.livejournal.com]

I really like this, your descriptions are beautifully done.

Kairi breathed and exhaled femininity. Absolutely gorgeous imagery in your first line. You followed it up really strongly too. I really felt like I was watching this unfold.

My only qualm? Your use of the word "blood" to describe her hair kind of jarred me out of the story. I get what you're going for, it's just everything else is so ethereal and, well, "pretty" that this was definitely a speed bump.

Also, I think you have an extra word in there. In the line Lacy underwear that bought for the sole purpose I think your "that" shouldn't be there. Just a suggestion?
I hope I haven't overstepped my boundaries here. It really is a beautiful piece and I enjoy reading it a lot!

[bouncyballparty.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. Thanks for telling me about that word. I don't know how I missed it, I must've read this like 700 times. :D

[iki-teru.livejournal.com]

LOL I do that all the time! It's like, you start reading your own work too much and you just don't see it anymore.

also, I adore the changed words. Much better flow.

<3