kh_drabble | All Our Lives [266]

Title: All Our Lives

Challenge: #266, going back
Rating: C for Confusing

Word Count: 585

Spoilers: For Days, and probably for BBS somehow.

Notes: Sora is lost in Kingdom Hearts, and now he can't remember which heart is his.

I’ve been having these weird thoughts, lately. Like, is any of this for real, or not?

Sometimes it doesn’t seem like anything’s real. The world changes somehow, and I feel lost, but I can’t remember what’s different. Sometimes I can’t remember my name.

No, that’s not quite right – I always know my name, but sometimes I’m not sure if the name I know is the name I always had. It’s like, all my memories are suddenly different, and I want to remember what I used to remember before, but I can’t.

I asked Riku once, “Do you think we live more than one life?”

Axel laughed. “Maybe you’ll get a next life. It’s not for everybody.”

“Come on,” I said, “be serious, Rive. Not like one after the other, like at the same time.” But Hikaru just smiled, and Terra ruffled my hair, and Erde took my hand so I could lead his blind steps through the ruins of Hollow Bastion.

Am I always the same person?

Sometimes I think so. Sometimes I think there was another name with my face, another kid with my eyes, someone who owns my same heart even though he’s a boy and I’m a girl. But sometimes I don’t recognize any of my memories, and it’s all so different, and if it wasn’t for my friends…

The only certain thing in the world, the only thing I never doubt, is my friends. Whoever I am, I can always trust my friends.

Where am I? What world is this?

This is Kingdom Hearts. This is all worlds together, and all times. You mustn’t stay here any longer, you’re not ready.

Why, how long have I been here?

Forever.

I’m lost in a dusty place, my friends and I, searching for the last pure pieces of light and darkness among the grey fallen stones of dead castles.

Is this right? Is this me?

No, that was me. That hasn’t happened yet, where you are, not for a long long time – that’s when we’re almost ready. Go further back.

I’m on a beach, white sand shining in the sun. I wake up startled, and squint into the light, and a redheaded girl laughs at me. “Gimme a break, Kairi…”

Here?

Close enough. That’s before you actually get here, but you’ll forget all this until the right time. Go rest your eyes, Sora, before you see too much.

Sora. Yeah. That’s me. I remember, it’s a happy life – though as soon as I think that, I try to remember what I’m comparing it to, the sad lives and the angry lives. I can’t, they’re all gone, those aren’t me anymore.

It’s okay, Sora. You’ll remember everything at the right time, we always do.

Going back feels like falling, through a twilight sky into the sea. Falling, I call out, upward and forward in time: “Good luck, Himmel!”

I’ll be fine! Everything turns out okay. I hit the water, and his voice fades. Oh! I almost forgot. You need to remember, about Kingdom Hearts. Kingdom Hearts is light and

“Sora, you lazy bum. I knew that I’d find you snoozing down here.”

I try to tell her, I really do. But I’m not even sure if what I remember is what I’m trying to remember, or if this is something different and new, and the other is gone.

Kairi bonks me on the head, and calls it a dream, and I take her word for it. It all feels like dreams to me, lately.