kh_drabble | [#282 - Cliche] Be Careful What You Wish For (Reply)

Title: Be Careful What You Wish For
Challenge: [#282 – Cliché]
Rating: PG
Word Count: 598
Spoilers: None whatsoever (excusing every Mary-Sue ever written for any fandom EVER)
Notes: The self-insert cliché isn’t limited to Kingdom Hearts, but at any given moment at least five fics featuring it top the ‘Just In’ list for KH on Fanfiction.net, so when ‘cliché’ came up as this week’s prompt I found myself unable to write anything else. And yes, this is the way I speak in real life.

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not adventurous. For me, choosing something I can’t pronounce at an Indian restaurant is daring. I look both ways crossing the street and actually listened when my mom warned me about wearing clean underwear in case I’m in an accident.

This sort of accident, however? People viewing my undies isn’t the issue. Actually, if I see any more winged people, key-themed weapons, spaceships or swords bigger than giraffes, my underwear won’t be clean. Fair warning.

What am I talking about? Even I’m not sure. One minute I was in my room, lamenting how sucky my life is and how nobody knows I exist (seriously, I dropped my books at school and got trampled practically into paté because nobody saw me picking them up) and wishing I could be someone special instead of a nobody. The next minute I was looking at this funnel of blackness, which slurped me off my bed and spat me onto some beach where the humidity instantly made me look like I’d stuck my finger in a plug-socket. I don’t care what people say about the power of positive thinking or wishes coming true, that shit isn’t normal.

I was picking myself up and trying discretely to remove sand from my butt-crack when this kid bounded up. I took a second to realise he was male, since he was the kind of pretty that comes only with Photoshopping. The gigantic poofy trousers and floppy brown hair didn’t help.

“You’re here!” he cried jubilantly.

My response was an intelligent: “Huh?”

“C’mon!” He grabbed my hand, which flummoxed me even more. Had I suffered a head injury? Did I have amnesia? Did I know but not remember him? “Everybody’s waiting!”

“What?” I dug my heels in – which did bugger all, since he dragged me and I left grooves in the sand. “Who?”

“Y’know: Riku, Cloud, Leon – but not Kairi. For some reason she said no and left to do her hair or something. I wasn’t listening.” He shrugged. “I was busy thinking about you.”

“Uh…”

“We thought we’d have to fight Sephiroth alone, but you didn’t let us down! You know how much we rely on you.” His voice dropped. “How much I rely on you. I…I’ve always wanted to tell you how I feel. Now we might die, I think–”

I tried to shake him off but his grip is like a steel-trap. “Stop! Back up! Hold on! Waaaaaitaminute!”

“What’s wrong?” He blinked baby blues that had to be contacts. Nobody’s eyes are that flawless. “Oh!” He snapped his fingers. “Of course! You need your keyblade. I’ve kept it safe.” He then reached into the fabric of reality and pulled out a sodding SWORD! One made of stars, spangles, twinkly bits and sequins, by the look of it. Oh, and pink. Lots and lots and LOTS of pink.

“What the hell is that?” I demanded. “And who the hell are you? Where the hell is this? What the bloody hell is going on!?”

“Don’t worry.” When people say that, all you CAN do is worry. “Now you’re here everything will be okay.”

Needless to say, it wasn’t. That’s why I’m on a battlefield holding a weapon I have no clue how to use, with several men and boys behind me I KNOW are ogling my bum instead of watching the fellah with one wing and a massive sword, which he intends to use to get my heart – and not the way they do. Knowing that if I die everyone will mourn and love me forever doesn’t help.

Be careful what you wish for indeed.

Also?

HEEEEELP!