The Fire-Thorn

[taichara]

Title: The Fire-Thorn
Challenge: None
Words: 260
Characters: Marluxia, Axel.
Spoilers: References the end of Chain of Memories, Sora's Story.
Notes: warning -- dark drabble ahead! violence, blood, unpleasant ending for one character. possibly some other implied ideas. reader discretion is advised.


the Fire-Thorn

It was still and quiet now, the pale child-witch tending to the sleeping child of light;
and the perfect time for a scattered blossom to drag himself --
weeping a false-life like thick dead blood behind him --
back from the Nothing and into the marble cradle of the stony flowers.

Breath hitching in his chest, he paused as weakness washed over him
and a rosy corona flared, unfurling, on narrow shoulders briefly ...

And then, a rush of blood and fire sent him crushed against one milky wall
Like a dead dusty rose pinned out to dry.

He could barely choke the words through lips drawn and pale,
as the iron-velvet hands coiled round his flanks, pressed him to the marble.


'Axel ...

'Traitor.'


He could feel the fever-heat of his captor, as his vision filled
with blood-fire mane; and sharp white teeth closed briefly on his neck,
traced down his throat.


"Traitor? Me?
"My dear flower-prince, you are mistaken.

"The only traitor here is you."


His mouth twists in anger; then in agony the boy had never given him to know,
as the fire spreads against him, eating him alive.

His captor smiles a hunter's smile, and draws back one hand
To stroke one perfect cheek soft as a rose's petal;
Then tears across the milk-rose's throat -- a perfect stroke --
With fire-tempered razor like a poisoned thorn.

And Axel purrs to the fading hollow eyes, the pale face flecked now with scarlet dewdrops.


"Why did you ever think that you could escape me ...?"

Comments

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

I feel that it captures very briefly what you actually meant for the tale to unfold

Is that not the point of drabbles?

the style breaks the story up into very disconcerting pieces that do not flow very well together

I disagree with this sentiment; I feel that Tai's style is here very much appropriate for the suddeness of the motion,a s it were. Marluxia drags himself back into the world, and Axel is right on him,and then all is death.

About how he realises that Axel is not what he thought he was, and...wow, I nattered.

Nattering aside :) - and goodness knows I'm hardly innocent of rambling - I think you are painting your own perception here. I, personally, read nothing of that sentiment in this, and don't see how Marluxia would have had time to think any such thing.

I mean, I'm really inspired by your drabble and I would want to write the prose version of it, really, really, but I'd loved to see it from your own words.

I certainly don't speak for Taichara, but I have to say that I find this comment rather on the insulting side. Or aren't you inferring some sort of inferiour execution of the piece? because that's what it seems you're doing.

[wrong.livejournal.com]

Taichara has her own style of writing, and I don't disagree with what she has written. For me, I felt that the style breaks a little of the flow, which I feel is a shame since some essence is lost, at least for me.

I'm sorry if you felt that I am insulting her writing ability by insinuating that I could write a better version of her piece, but as you pointed out, I have a different view of the story she has painted, and I would like to have explored what Marluxia may have thought or experienced in this instance.

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

I think we'll have to agree to disagree, because I think the drabble shows pretty much exactly what Marluxia felt those last couple of breaths, even he even got two breaths...