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[sartorisnopes.livejournal.com]

Challenge: [100] 100
Title:  50-100
Word Count: 278
Spoilers: Loosely based on the KH2 situation.
Notes:  I wanted to write something where Roxas was somewhat badass, so I tried.

1:00 AM.   The clock tower rang, deep and loud, sounding only once.   Looking up at its face, Roxas observed the golden glow emitting from the time. A clock like the sun, for those who couldn’t bare the darkness…

Roxas kept walking. A black, wiry frame, something like a person, was one thing he wouldn’t acknowledge.

The darkness ran down Roxas’ arm, as it cloaked crackling electricity. A steel blade generated into Roxas’ hand. The sickening anticipation wouldn’t leave him alone.  

In a quick movement, he let the keyblade cut cleanly through four nobodies slinking behind him, before they’d barely formed from the ground.  The ground was suddenly swimming with them.  

“When it reaches 100, you’re gone.” Roxas repeated the words coldly, under his breath.

Was this what Axel meant?   There was a time limit on their friendship then.

“Keep making that ugly face, and maybe I’ll double it,” Axel warned, his voice near, yet still at a distance.  “How about one new nobody for every minute? Or since it’s you Roxas… how about ten?”     

Whipping around, cutting into several of the nobodies in the air, Roxas caught sight of Axel, and for a split second, they were acknowledging each other again. Axel’s face looked hardened in determination and seriousness, strangely in contrast with his mocking tone.  Axel would have been amused at his own game...  Roxas touched the ground again, scanning the nobodies surrounding him…

“This is half-hearted Axel,” he stated, his cold, blue eyes meeting him.   

It all Roxas had a chance to breathe, but he meant it.   Fire danced around him, like a shield, and he attacked again, with the second keyblade appearing into his hand.

Comments

[lindskaba.livejournal.com]

I like your characterization in this piece a lot! Axel's dialogue is very good, very in-character. I love when Axel speaks so fiercely to Roxas :wibble: It always gets me, especially when it's done well -- my favorite bit is, "Or since it's you, Roxas... how about ten?" I can totally here Quinton Flynn saying the line in my head XD However, there are quite a few typos, and your sentence structure is a little sloppy in my opinion ^^; It might be the excessive use of commas? Not sure. It's a nice piece, though -- if you got yourself a reliable beta, I think it could be something better ♥

[sartorisnopes.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your critique! Yeahhh... next time I'll try to spend a little (a lot) more time on editing my writing :0 The sentences do seem really jagged. Next time I'll keep that stuff in mind. Thanks, thanks.