(no subject)

[hedgehogshinji.livejournal.com]

Title: It's in the Blood
Challenge: Forbidden Love
Word Count: 187
Notes: This is my first time posting, but I've been stalking since the community opened (I'm lazy). Be gentle ^^;; This is yaoi and contains abuse, angst, and other fun stuff.

He always knew it would all be over, if they ever found out.

But he never thought it would be like this.

Blood on the floor, curses in the air. "I never would have thought my son would be a fag."

He was so happy when he told them...he thought it wouldn't matter anymore...

His mother choking. "Where did we go wrong? Didn't we raise you right? You were always a good, church going boy..."

Stupid parents and their Christian values. Didn't they see he was in love? Wasn't that what life was all about? You grow up, marry the one you love...die happy.

Once more and he's on the ground, the blood mingling with the tears. But no, not his own...that's the family's blood he's spilt, his parents' to do with as they please...his mother's tears...can't they raise their own son right?

And the last thing he sees is red. And the last thing he hears is the loudest he's ever heard...but, no, it's not the crying sirens or his friends' moans. It's all in his heart...

"Riku...will you catch me when I fall?"

Comments

[dev-chieftain.livejournal.com]

I'm making this comment with my name attached so that you can get back to me if it upsets you, because that's not what I'm here to do.

But I have some problems with this fiction.

First, have you ever had to come out to your parents? Because, from knowledge of my friends going through it and, heh, going through it myself, I can tell you honestly that it is painful, frightening, nerve-wracking experience even /if/ your parents are accepting of what you're telling them. In a Christian household, a person would be hard put to ever get the nerve to say a word about being homosexual, regardless of how happy his or her relationship made that person. Look at the facts: it'd be something you'd hide. You would hide it SO HARD it'd make you want to cry, because you couldn't ever let anyone in your family know. Especially if you were in an abusive family and knew the likely consequences.

Second, this is terribly sappy and handles some heavy issues without any tact at all. Admitting you're gay? getting beaten by your own family for it? Being alone? Struggling with being Christian and loving someone of the same gender? Leave these issues alone if you can't give them a little bit more serious study, because the end result comes off callous, tactless, and kind of disrespectful of those who actually deal with these issues in their every day lives.

Writing is supposed to be about reflecting reality into fictional situations. That means you need a lot of truth to make the little bit of fiction work.

Not trying to preach or anything, just giving honest advice. Thanks and g'nite.

[wrong.livejournal.com]

One thing I must tell you: THIS COMMUNITY IS FOR FUN.

Another thing: If you didn't notice, this is a DRABBLE community. Although I would agree that the content she has selected is not fit for a challenge such as this, since there is a word limit placed on this comm, nevertheless, she has tried.

Personally, I would prefer if you had emailed her privately, although this is a constructive review, the way you had worded it was like an attack. Keep in mind that I do not take kindly to attacks.

[dev-chieftain.livejournal.com]

Beggin' your pardon, ma'am. I'll try to be more constructive in the future.

[wrong.livejournal.com]

The purpose of this community is firstly and more importantly, for fun. If you want to get anal about characterisation, go somewhere else. This is not for you.

[dev-chieftain.livejournal.com]

The only reason I made that comment was because the treatment of the issues in the story upset me, and therefore, /I/ wasn't able to have fun. I think the story has merit and potential. I only want to see improvement. However, I promise that in the future, if a story upsets me, I'll withhold my commentary.

[purple-angel01.livejournal.com]

sad...but good...congrats on your first post ^_^.