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[keysora.livejournal.com]

Hello!

 Challenge: [137] Identity
 Title: An I That I Was Not
 Words: 437
 Warnings/Notes: Purposeful pronoun abuse. Questionable grammar in an (failed) attempt to be poetic. Cloud-centric. Cloud/Tifa.

 -Part 1-

Some things aren’t as simple as salvation through good intentions.

I told him I looked for light.

Sora, who was so young and so innocent and so full of light himself, did not have knowledge enough of the world to understand how light can be obtained through darkness. If I am looking for light, I must be on the right side. If I’m looking for light, I deserve to be forgiven.

I wonder if he understands now.

There is no forgiveness for selling one’s soul.

There is only punishment.

 For promises that I would see her again: I cheated, I stole, and I murdered. To touch her face and smell her hair again, I gave myself to the God of Death.

Only to become a person that was not I at all.

Only to become a person who was not the person she loved.

“She’s looking for you, you know.”

Aerith, whose wisdom takes form in a beauty so perfect that it’s difficult to trust.  I’ve tried to make myself love her, as I am aware that her perception of the larger picture would lead to her forgiveness of my new self.

I can’t.

In part, it is not forgiveness that I want.

It’s acceptance.

 And not hers.

“She’s asking all over the city. Why won’t you go to her?”

I do not want to say it, because the truth reflects an I that I was not.

I am unprepared for the rejection of a new myself.  I am clinging still to the hope that I can become  once again the me that deserved to call her mine.

I am running.

“I’ll go to her when Sephiroth is dead.”

For in the destruction of evil, surely I will find redemption.

I will shed more blood for less than selfless good. It is the only thing my new self knows how to do.

-Part 2-

I go to her with sin on my hands.

I am a failure.

Sephiroth I cannot destroy, and a better man I cannot return to being.

But I miss her. I can’t stay away any longer.

I am selfish. I am worthless.

The old I am gone.

“Cloud.”

Her whisper makes almost all of it worth it. Her cool hands take my cheeks. Her eyes are so full of soul and for a moment I think she might replace mine.

I take a handful of her thick, dark hair.

“I’m not the same person.”

I wait for her answer.

For everything of me that I have lost, there is one thing I have kept.

My love for her remains the same.

Please tell me what you think! I wasn't sure if I stuck to the challenge closely enough. Thanks!

Comments

[dreamer1789.livejournal.com]

Aww, soul-searching and romance make for a great match. ;) I really like your style and think you kept totally true to the challenge. ^^

[keysora.livejournal.com]

Aww, soul-searching and romance make for a great match

I always thought so! :)

Thank you very much for commenting!

P.S. Your icon is the height of adorable. I love me some Sora and some Roxas.

[iki-teru.livejournal.com]

ah! I think it fits perfectly with the challenge! haha I had more to say than that, but I can't seem to make myself coherent? so just know, it was beautiful and made me go "awww." with a squeak at the end :P

[keysora.livejournal.com]

Ahahha. Yay! Squeaks are good!

Thank you so much for the comment!!! I'm sorry you got incoherant. xD

[demoerin.livejournal.com]

Ouch. I love it, all of it and especially the end for being inconclusive and desperate. It's so Cloud.