[91] Invincible

[xxmyfearsmylies.livejournal.com]

Challenge: [91.] Invincible
Word Count: 172
Title: Overrated
Notes: Another Roxas-themed entry. I'd appreciate your thoughts. :]



Roxas felt different from the moment he could feel anything.

But he couldn't figure it out- he never could feel previous, and yet the hollow, empty feeling remained.

Xemnas told him he didn't have a heart. That meant nothing to Roxas. His mind breezed over the fact like the wind over a short, grassy meadow. Xemnas also said that Roxas was invincible to the emotions that could corrupt a person, make them vulnerable. He liked that at first.

However, he began to figure it out.

The words became slimy and pulled his mind into an oozing, bubbling bind until he was left to rock back and forth, cradling himself with one hand, clutching the empty void in his chest with the other. The void that could never be filled.

She noticed this.

She had overheard the Superior's words, just as the others had. She was like them. A snake under a blanket of those she had wasted. An unassuming, disguising blanket.

She placed her fingers gingerly on his cold shoulders for a brief moment and whispered, "invincibility is overrated."

Comments

[jaesprite.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I really like this. It's a common theme but the delivery feels really fresh.

I like the first and last lines especially. The way that you said the words became slimy was a nice effect, too. The only thing that threw me off was "a short, grassy meadow" -- just because I wasn't sure whether you meant that the grass in the meadow was short, or that the meadow itself was short, as in a short distance to breeze over.

And I also liked the detail of his shoulders being cold thrown in at the end -- it follows with the theme well and sort of twists the mood of the last line. Very nice all around. ♥

[puffinboy415.livejournal.com]

Wee! This one was awesome! I agree with jaesprite in saying the meadow part threw me off as well, maybe you could have used something more relavent to the story? The detail is done really well and flows for almost everything. To be picky, i'll say that oozing and bubbling would sound better switched XD.
All in all, this rocks! Great job!