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Dec. 21st, 2006 06:20 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
shugamri.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
kh_drabbleChallenge: None
Title: Part I
Word Count: 745 (Pushing it, I know, but that's the breaks.)
Spoilers: Takes place five years after Kingdom Hearts II, so yeah. Lots.
Notes: This is the first part of a larger story that I'm working on. I'd like to get some feedback on it, as I'd like to know if there's an actual interest in how it develops. Feedback and costructive criticism is appreciated.
Floating around the ether of space was the world of Radiant Garden. This was not unusual, as the world was perpetually stationary. As scientists had discovered long ago, the world did not revolve around the sun. Instead, the sun revolved around the world, which, when realized, set in motion years of theological and scientific upheavals that were still felt to the present day.
Many years ago, the world had been called Hollow Bastion, as it had been ravaged by the heart-devouring locusts called The Heartless. However, the inhabitants had returned, and had rediscovered its lost name as they rebuilt the city that was the world’s namesake.
After the city had been sufficiently rebuilt, explorers had begun to venture forth beyond the forsaken citadel called Villains Vale, into territory that hitherto had been labeled Here There Be Dragones. Unsurprisingly, as is the case with exploring, they had found that the world did not comprise solely their city, and was far larger than the star charts had originally shown.
One such newly discovered area was Golmore Jungle, a place held sacred by the rabbit-like Viera. There had been an impasse between the two cultures, as the humans needed wood and seeds from the forest for agriculture, while the Viera took offense at the intrusion of alien presences in their wood. Both sides lived in an uneasy truce that said “We’re watching you, and if you do anything that we don’t like, then you’ll get yours coming to you.”
It didn’t help matters either that a Heartless General called Fenrir had recently made the jungle its home either.
A glum mood hung over the encampment. They had made their way to the outskirts of the Golmore Jungle, had battled against beast and Heartless alike, and were now trying to figure out what exactly were the edible parts of a Purple Panther.
“I think,” mused a young man with spiky hair, “that the leg isn’t so bad.”
“At leascht it’sch edible,” muttered one of his companions, as he pecked and nibbled at his leg with his beak. “Not like thosche whischkers.”
The young man tried hard to resist a chuckle right then. “Yeah, but you have to admit, that was an interesting experience Donald.”
“Intereschting my phanny! You wouldn’t be calling it intereschting if electricity had gone through your body!”
“True enough,” said Sora. He knew better then to start a fight with the mage. Best to let him gripe then to get him riled up even more. He had learned at least that much in the last five years.
Sora wasn’t the boastful type. Despite having saved the galaxy twice from the madman Xehanort, or at least from his two remnants, he had tried to focus more on his new career as a Huntsman then on being everybody’s hero. After all, who else was better qualified to go after Heartless and Nobody Hunts then a Keybearer?
Yet this wasn’t like other Hunts, thought Sora as he looked to their silent third companion. He had been silently eating some of the panther’s side, never really looking at the others.
“Hey, you doing okay?” said Sora.
“I am fine, thank you,” replied the man, raising his hound face at Sora in acknowledgement. “Despite my current status, I remember a feeling of tranquility in your company.”
He really wasn’t Goofy, thought Sora as he stared in wonder. Goofy would never have talked in such a formal, crisp manner.
“Well...glad to hear it,” said Sora nervously. After a moment of looking at his dinner, Sora asked, “Um, Goo....”
“It’s Xyogof, Sora.”
“Right, sorry.” Sora would never get used to that. “Xyogof, are you sure were on the right track? I mean, are you sure this is your Heartless’ home?”
Xyogof stared at the young man for a while, before quietly saying, “I should think, Sora, that I would be able to find my own Heartless. Give me at least that much.”
“Right, of course.” Sora embarrassedly looked back to his medium cooked panther leg. He didn’t know what to think anymore. On the one hand, he always had distrusted the Nobodies. After all, their leaders, Organization XIII, had caused the downfall of countless worlds and civilizations to get back their hearts. Yet now, here he was, traveling with the Nobody of one of his best friends, on the hunt for a Heartless General to restore said friend.
“Damn,” muttered Sora as he bit into the leg, “how did it come to this?”
Title: Part I
Word Count: 745 (Pushing it, I know, but that's the breaks.)
Spoilers: Takes place five years after Kingdom Hearts II, so yeah. Lots.
Notes: This is the first part of a larger story that I'm working on. I'd like to get some feedback on it, as I'd like to know if there's an actual interest in how it develops. Feedback and costructive criticism is appreciated.
Floating around the ether of space was the world of Radiant Garden. This was not unusual, as the world was perpetually stationary. As scientists had discovered long ago, the world did not revolve around the sun. Instead, the sun revolved around the world, which, when realized, set in motion years of theological and scientific upheavals that were still felt to the present day.
Many years ago, the world had been called Hollow Bastion, as it had been ravaged by the heart-devouring locusts called The Heartless. However, the inhabitants had returned, and had rediscovered its lost name as they rebuilt the city that was the world’s namesake.
After the city had been sufficiently rebuilt, explorers had begun to venture forth beyond the forsaken citadel called Villains Vale, into territory that hitherto had been labeled Here There Be Dragones. Unsurprisingly, as is the case with exploring, they had found that the world did not comprise solely their city, and was far larger than the star charts had originally shown.
One such newly discovered area was Golmore Jungle, a place held sacred by the rabbit-like Viera. There had been an impasse between the two cultures, as the humans needed wood and seeds from the forest for agriculture, while the Viera took offense at the intrusion of alien presences in their wood. Both sides lived in an uneasy truce that said “We’re watching you, and if you do anything that we don’t like, then you’ll get yours coming to you.”
It didn’t help matters either that a Heartless General called Fenrir had recently made the jungle its home either.
A glum mood hung over the encampment. They had made their way to the outskirts of the Golmore Jungle, had battled against beast and Heartless alike, and were now trying to figure out what exactly were the edible parts of a Purple Panther.
“I think,” mused a young man with spiky hair, “that the leg isn’t so bad.”
“At leascht it’sch edible,” muttered one of his companions, as he pecked and nibbled at his leg with his beak. “Not like thosche whischkers.”
The young man tried hard to resist a chuckle right then. “Yeah, but you have to admit, that was an interesting experience Donald.”
“Intereschting my phanny! You wouldn’t be calling it intereschting if electricity had gone through your body!”
“True enough,” said Sora. He knew better then to start a fight with the mage. Best to let him gripe then to get him riled up even more. He had learned at least that much in the last five years.
Sora wasn’t the boastful type. Despite having saved the galaxy twice from the madman Xehanort, or at least from his two remnants, he had tried to focus more on his new career as a Huntsman then on being everybody’s hero. After all, who else was better qualified to go after Heartless and Nobody Hunts then a Keybearer?
Yet this wasn’t like other Hunts, thought Sora as he looked to their silent third companion. He had been silently eating some of the panther’s side, never really looking at the others.
“Hey, you doing okay?” said Sora.
“I am fine, thank you,” replied the man, raising his hound face at Sora in acknowledgement. “Despite my current status, I remember a feeling of tranquility in your company.”
He really wasn’t Goofy, thought Sora as he stared in wonder. Goofy would never have talked in such a formal, crisp manner.
“Well...glad to hear it,” said Sora nervously. After a moment of looking at his dinner, Sora asked, “Um, Goo....”
“It’s Xyogof, Sora.”
“Right, sorry.” Sora would never get used to that. “Xyogof, are you sure were on the right track? I mean, are you sure this is your Heartless’ home?”
Xyogof stared at the young man for a while, before quietly saying, “I should think, Sora, that I would be able to find my own Heartless. Give me at least that much.”
“Right, of course.” Sora embarrassedly looked back to his medium cooked panther leg. He didn’t know what to think anymore. On the one hand, he always had distrusted the Nobodies. After all, their leaders, Organization XIII, had caused the downfall of countless worlds and civilizations to get back their hearts. Yet now, here he was, traveling with the Nobody of one of his best friends, on the hunt for a Heartless General to restore said friend.
“Damn,” muttered Sora as he bit into the leg, “how did it come to this?”
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no subject
Date: 2006-12-22 01:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-22 01:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-22 02:36 am (UTC)Vacation, I do have some things I'd like to say... I was slightly confused when Sora and company made their entrance; unless their identity was supposed to be slightly ambiguous, I don't understand your choice in describing them via pronouns in one paragraph and then directly by proper pronouns right afterwards. The shift was a bit jarring...And the thing with the Purple Panther was interesting, although I have to wonder, are they eating it raw? There's no implication of a fire, or the remains of cooking supplies, or even a hint of cooked meat. If they are eating it raw, that shifts around the tone of the drabble almost entirely; we're talking about something drastic, desperate; why can't our trio cook? Are their powers gone? Are they being tracked themselves, and forgoing a cooking fire for the sake of secrecy? ... Or maybe I'm just reading too much into the material. XD Sorry, honors English classes do weird things to your brain. XD
I really like the character's dynamics; you know that they've been around each other for a long time. Xyogof is new, and definitely intriguing, and I'm trying to get acquainted with him as I type. XD Although I have to wonder... What's your opinion about the personalities of a Nobody and their corresponding Other? My impression was that a Nobody was pretty much the same as their Other, acting entirely on retained memory. Xyogof... I'm not saying that my theory is the one and only correct answer, but Xyogof threw me off. I guess I was expecting Goofy... but less everything. Not as positive, and not as negative, but just as wise and open and honest. And even if Goofy might not feel anything towards his pals anymore, I'd think that he'd draw on his retained memories, and at least try and act normal around them, on instinct. XD But then again, maybe that incongruency was the point.
Again, I'd love to see more, and hopefully get all my questions answered. XD Thanks.
... i sound so anal-bitchy. DX sorry~ won't happen again. =3
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Date: 2006-12-22 02:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-22 02:54 am (UTC)As for their introduction, I'm somewhat inspired by Terry Pratchet's way of introducing characters. He first goes and describes them a bit before revealing them. Usually, he then goes off with their name if they're familiar enough to the reader. But I see what you mean; I'll fix it in a moment.
With Xyogof (which to me sounds Russian, like Xshyo-Gophf), I'm going on the idea that Nobodies are slightly different from their original selves; just look at Sora and Roxas. With his case, this would include different ways of speaking, different way of presenting himself, even a change of appearance (in more ways than one). (This is also apparent in the fact that, in the revision, he'll be eating his "steak" raw.)
As for the story itself, I'm thinking more an actual fanfiction than a series of drabbles, although each section could be put up as one.
Thank you for the reviews; I'll be sure to include the suggestions. Do you by chance have any IM handle?
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Date: 2006-12-22 03:59 am (UTC)Really? I mean, I get your theory, but... I'm sorry. X3 I'm so stuck on my theory, which allows all of the Nobodies be very similar to their Others', but also lets Sora and Roxas have veeeeeery different personalities. X3 I'm just going to have to adapt to your viewpoint, is all. And if Xyogof is eating that steak raw... unf *_* Now I'm definitely curious. X3
Sounds like a plan. =3
XD No problem! I go around as hesterstowel on AIM, but be warned: I'm really busy, usually, so I don't have time to go on any IM service at all. XD I usually have to schedule talks on AIM, when it comes to it.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-28 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-24 05:35 am (UTC)Oh, so intrigued. I really like your style, and the fact that you're totally comfortable going places people don't usually go. Yay!
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Date: 2006-12-28 08:52 pm (UTC)